RIP: Wayne Rex Stallard 1926-2018

Eulogy for Wayne Rex Stallard,    1926 - 2018

Family Man, Friend, Mason, Rotarian, Veteran and a Jayhawk.

Delivered at Old Mission Methodist Church, Fairway, Kansas    December 12, 2018

Thanks to all of you for being here today, and celebrating the memory of Wayne Rex Stallard.  Rex means "king" and I would offer that is quite appropriate.  I wish to emphasize the word celebrate, for I believe Wayne would not want us to wallow in sorrow.  For those of you who do not know me, I am Peter Hilger, his son-in-law of 41 years.  He asked me to deliver his eulogy before he passed, and I am deeply honored for the opportunity to do so.

Commemorative Poster by Heather Hilger

I am going to start with some adjectives that I have both heard and have known about Wayne these past few weeks, and see if these match up with your own impressions and fondest memories of Wayne:

•      Smart
•      Caring
•      Fiercely Competitive
•      Quietly opinionated
•      Astute
•      Generous
•      Compassionate
•      Forgiving
•      Humble
•      Rock chalk

Well, that last one is not an adjective, but rather a state of being. 

As you dwell on these adjectives, and I know there are more, I will return to them, let me share my story with Wayne and Peach.

It was Spring of 1975.  I was an Architecture student at Georgia Tech who caught the eye of Becky, and at some point in time – you know, the fog of love clouds the precise memory of time – Peach came to visit Becky, whereupon I was invited to meet her over dinner:  a young college student with a blonde pony tail.  For those of you that knew Peach, that would not be a good start to creating an affirmative impression, and the word of this “boy” having a pony tail and dating Becky made its way promptly to Wayne, who would heartily disapprove of this potential match.  It was sometime later that I was invited to visit Becky in Kansas City, where I traveled by bus, quite nervous and without a pony tail, to meet her sisters Jennifer and Melanie, and of course, Wayne.

I guess it went a bit better without a pony tail – that was progress.  But Becky recalls how, when Peach suggested our intention to wed in 1977, he thundered “how is he going to support her?”, failing to recognize that Becky fully intended to support herself in spite of marriage, and I was still that good-for-nothing guy that had a pony tail.

So began my long association with the Stallard family. He was blessed with three daughters, but I think he was finally glad to have a son around every so often.  It is told to me that he often took refuge from the four women in his daily life outside by the barbecue, talking to their dog Schwerd.

From those early days, I picked up a few things that I have carried through my life.  First and foremost, an interest in business even though I pursued architecture.  Though Wayne wanted me to be successful (presumably so I could support his daughter), there were no lessons per se but one – he was an avid reader of business magazines, particularly Forbes Magazine, which I latched onto and absorbed for years.  It influenced me greatly in my own business, and those lessons, I am proud to say, I am carrying on to my students to this day.  That publication, and many others, occupied his extensive reading list until the end.

Mine is but one story, and it is filled with adjectives.  But what of your stories? Your memories?

Let’s start with his daughters.  Wayne set high standards for all of his girls, and all tried oh-so-hard to achieve those standards, not always succeeding in what he wanted for them, but each succeeding in their own ways for what mattered to them.

It was this high bar that enabled Becky to find her own interests, much in common with Wayne, such as sports, space and any manner of intellectual challenges.  And ultimately, Becky found her way into the information technology realm, to which Wayne said her “peculiar talents are well suited to programming.” She was never sure how to take that word “peculiar”, whether a compliment or “stimulant”, but it can be said that they ended up lifelong friends with common interests. They traveled together on several occasions to points around the globe that remain among her strongest memories of Wayne. 

  

For Melanie it can be said that she did not always agree with Wayne’s standards for her either, other than that she attended and graduated from KU!  And this led to lifelong challenges between them, but as in every challenge for Wayne,  this too was met with grace and ultimately redemption, for Melanie stated one of her strong recollections was Wayne’s forgiveness and embrace of Melanie when they really both needed each other.  Melanie, it should be noted, was key to Wayne’s care over the past year, and we thank her, he thanks her, for that tireless care.

Jennifer recollected upon his ability to recall the most arcane facts and figures, including one time around a dinner table a guest casually wondered what the origin of a Ruben sandwich he was eating, to which Jennifer simply called out to Wayne to answer the question – and he did, to the amazement of most except his family, who knew that he would likely know this arcane fact. And of her husband Earl Vicknair, it can be said that Wayne finally had another son.

Wayne took great pride in his two grandchildren, watching them grow up to become the self-sufficient high achievers they are, with particular pride that Ryan attended KU, and during those four years was a constant companion for Wayne - another son!  Ryan was then, and continues to be, a Navy man for which Wayne, a veteran himself, was enormously proud, especially as he rose the ranks.  He could challenge Wayne in gin and pool with the best of them. And it was perhaps the blossoming of Ryan’s love of Heather Sherman, found and incubated during these four years at KU, that resulted in an especially proud moment, their marriage in this very sanctuary eleven years ago. Wayne adored Heather, and she created this sign in his honor today.

And of Laura, he reveled in her travels around the world, and was especially proud to visit her in London not once but twice, to travel with her and meet up with his lifelong friend Harry Harrison in Scotland.  I should like to quote Laura:  I could combine all the languages I know and it would still not be enough to express how I feel about you and how much you have meant to my life. You are everything a girl could have wanted in a grandpa and my life has been filled with so many wonderful memories of you (and Grandma), ones that will always hold a special place in my heart. I will remember you for your kindness, for your intelligence, for your humor. I will remember you for your positivity, contagious smile and joyful spirit. I will remember you for your generosity, your fairness and your unwavering faith. These are qualities I've long admired and respected in you - and ones I have long hoped to live up to in my own life.

Two great grandchildren – Charlotte and Henry – visited him just a few weeks ago at his 92^nd birthday celebration.  And as young children ages 5 and 3 respectively, they do not always take a shine to imposing old men, sometimes finding them a bit scary, but on this occasion, they seemed to embrace him, even if they do not quite understand his place in their family history. But there is a heartwarming tale from this visit.  On the occasion of his birthday dinner, Charlotte insisted on saying grace.  Can you imagine what was going through Wayne’s mind at this moment?  He had come full circle with his own devotion, to his faith and to his family, to have his great-granddaughter at age 5 recite a prayer of thankfulness.  But not to be outdone by his big sister, Henry insisted on saying grace as well, and then proceeded to cradle the little microphone device Wayne used of late in his hand and recite a prayer devoid of any comprehension for the rest of us, earnestly delivered, with only the word “amen” barely understandable.  It was a magical moment for Wayne and the rest of us.

Me, Laura, little Henry, Heather, Wayne, Ryan, Charlotte and Becky
at Henry's Christening in 2016

Carl Stallard, two years and two months younger than Wayne, always looked up to his bigger brother, and seemed to follow his lead, for as Carl stated, Wayne was so much smarter than him, and that he always set the standard to do the right thing.  He recalled picking potatoes together on a farm in Lawrence one summer, a job which Carl had followed Wayne to. Wayne was always called upon to speak at family events, for he had a gift of the tongue, and of their visits to see Nadine in Kingsley, an event that brought Wayne and Carl into more constant communication later in their lives.  And perhaps the most telling story of Wayne’s devotion to family, as Carl recites it, was his eager enlistment in the Army Air Corps in World War II, where he was sent to Wisconsin for flight training.  And as the war then came to an end, the training abruptly stopped, for pilots were no longer needed.  But out of this experience and his demonstrated intellectual capacity, he was offered an appointment to West Point.  But ever devoted to his family and his mother’s wish that he had been gone long enough and needed to come home, he declined the invitation, and returned home.  So I guess we can be happy for his sacrifice, for his family here today would probably not be here, had he accepted the appointment to West Point!

Wayne Stallard in Army Air Corps - 1944

Shirley Stallard was the wife of Wayne’s older brother Glenn, and they were married the year before Peach and Wayne.  And so began a lifelong friendship between Wayne and Shirley.  Wayne had mentioned that she long ceased to be a sister-in-law, and instead became a sister.  Shirley was there for Wayne, through all the years thick and thin, through the slow demise of Peach, and as a steady companion for Wayne through his late life challenges.  The rest of us in the family adore you Aunt Shirley, and can only thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being there for him.

And we must recognize the wonderful companionship of Audrey Irick.  Audrey wrote a wonderful message to Wayne on his recent birthday, part of which I now share: “Yes, we have kissed, dined and had a little wine, but of all the occasions in the US, India, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, Mexico, Canada, Costa Rica, Hawaii and the San Juan Island, our favorite place was in your kitchen.  There we could openly share our thoughts and feelings, always laugh at some silly funnies, and comfortably pray.”  Audrey, we all know what a true friend you were to Wayne, and we thank you deeply for sharing your life with his.

Wayne and Peach led a good life, not perfect for there were many challenges along the way, of course.  But of those challenges, he always seemed to approach them with humility, to rise up again and dust himself off as if nothing ever happened.  He had a wonderful affair with food and wine, relishing a very good steak – Steak Wayne as it was called. Indeed, he loved Andre’s Confiserie, for he was well known there, and enjoyed all the Swiss charm and goodies they had to offer.  We have brought some of their treats for you to enjoy after this service, for he would have wanted it this way. But I think Becky may have said it best that more than the food itself, he enjoyed the "community of the table", to share the experience of food and life with everyone.  Today, this is his community of that larger table that is his life, enmeshed with all of yours.

He was, of course, devoted to his larger community, to all his businesses over the years, and to his colleagues in Rotary, the Masons, and Delta Tau Delta fraternity, all of which spanned nearly his entire adult life.  As to this church and his faith, I will ask Pastor Leslie to expand upon this devotion.

So have we covered the adjectives?  The teacher in me says “now class, let’s review”:

• Smart? – gosh, was he ever.  Have you seen his library? His reading list? His thirst for knowledge and the ability to recite facts and figures was an enviable trait.
• Caring? – one can only recite his daily devotion to Peach and her sister Marian as they both rested at the Garden Terrace nursing home.  He never gave up on them.
• Fiercely Competitive? – oh dear, this is a big one!  Whether on the tennis court in years gone by, whether playing pool in the basement, word puzzles, or cards with anyone that dared, he was fiercely competitive.
• Quietly opinionated? – not a grandstander, he.  But he was loaded with opinions that tilted strongly conservative, very much in keeping with the Greatest Generation that he was part of. He was very sorry to learn of President Bush’s recent passing, and watched his funeral with great interest.
• Devout? – ever so dedicated to this place, Old Mission Methodist Church, for so many years, with deep convictions and devotion to God
• Generous? – as we are in the midst of the Christmas season, that was always a special time for him, for we all awaited a certain envelope containing greenbacks, beyond the enormity of the gifts already received and opened.  And I honor him today by wearing his sport coat and the shirt off of his back, with WRS embroidered on the cuff.
• Forgiving? – as with all of us, there were many setbacks he experienced during his long life, but he always forgave and moved along to the next thing, as though that first thing never happened.
• Compassionate? – I think it can be said that he loved, that he loved well, and that he loved unconditionally.
• Humble? – he was a simple person, never one to rise above his humility lest he be perceived as arrogant.
• Rock chalk? – it is hard to imagine a more devoted fan of KU and all that it stood for – academics and sports, particularly I believe, basketball.  He has an eternal ringside seat now, as it truly was a state of his being.  

Oh, I am sure there are many more adjectives that we could ascribe, and as a wordsmith himself, he would at this very moment be challenging his daughters to a competition as to who would get the most appropriate adjectives – yet he would lose due to his own humility.  But on one point all can agree:  his mother had always admonished Wayne that "you should not act nice – you should be nice!"

We have lost you, Wayne, but we shall not mourn, we celebrate your life.  We are thankful for what you have brought to each and every one of us to enrich our own lives.  You will be rejoining Peach, your parents and siblings in the hereafter, and may you enjoy your eternal peace with them, knowing you have done well for all of us, until such time that we shall join you there.

And one final story. As each of us within the family now know so well, when you were talking on the phone with us, and felt that all had been said that needed to be said, you simply said:   “OK, Bye now”, and you promptly hung up.

OK, Bye now.