Eulogy for Wayne Rex Stallard, 1926 - 2018
Family Man, Friend, Mason, Rotarian, Veteran and a
Jayhawk.
Delivered at Old Mission Methodist Church, Fairway,
Kansas December 12, 2018
Thanks to all of you for being here
today, and celebrating the memory of Wayne Rex Stallard. Rex means "king" and I would offer that is quite appropriate. I wish to emphasize the word celebrate, for I
believe Wayne would not want us to wallow in sorrow. For those of you who do not know me, I am
Peter Hilger, his son-in-law of 41 years.
He asked me to deliver his eulogy before he passed, and I am deeply honored
for the opportunity to do so.
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| Commemorative Poster by Heather Hilger |
I am going to start with some adjectives
that I have both heard and have known about Wayne these past few weeks, and see
if these match up with your own impressions and fondest memories of Wayne:
- Smart
- Caring
- Fiercely
Competitive
- Quietly
opinionated
- Astute
- Generous
- Compassionate
- Forgiving
- Humble
- Rock chalk
Well, that last one is not an
adjective, but rather a state of being.
As you dwell on these adjectives, and
I know there are more, I will return to them, let me share my story with Wayne
and Peach.
It was Spring of 1975. I was an Architecture student at Georgia Tech
who caught the eye of Becky, and at some point in time – you know, the fog of
love clouds the precise memory of time – Peach came to visit Becky, whereupon I
was invited to meet her over dinner: a
young college student with a blonde pony tail.
For those of you that knew Peach, that would not be a good start to
creating an affirmative impression, and the word of this “boy” having a pony
tail and dating Becky made its way promptly to Wayne, who would heartily
disapprove of this potential match. It
was sometime later that I was invited to visit Becky in Kansas City, where I
traveled by bus, quite nervous and without a pony tail, to meet her sisters
Jennifer and Melanie, and of course, Wayne.
I guess it went a bit better
without a pony tail – that was progress.
But Becky recalls how, when Peach suggested our intention to wed in
1977, he thundered “how is he going to
support her?”, failing to recognize that Becky fully intended to support
herself in spite of marriage, and I was still that good-for-nothing guy that
had a pony tail.
So began my long association with
the Stallard family. He was blessed with three daughters, but I think he was finally
glad to have a son around every so often.
It is told to me that he often took refuge from the four women in his
daily life outside by the barbecue, talking to their dog Schwerd.
From those early days, I picked up
a few things that I have carried through my life. First and foremost, an interest in business
even though I pursued architecture.
Though Wayne wanted me to be successful (presumably so I could support
his daughter), there were no lessons per se but one – he was an avid reader of
business magazines, particularly Forbes Magazine, which I latched onto and
absorbed for years. It influenced me
greatly in my own business, and those lessons, I am proud to say, I am carrying
on to my students to this day. That
publication, and many others, occupied his extensive reading list until the end.
Mine is but one story, and it is
filled with adjectives. But what of your
stories? Your memories?
Let’s start with his
daughters. Wayne set high standards for
all of his girls, and all tried oh-so-hard to achieve those standards, not
always succeeding in what he wanted for them, but each succeeding in their own
ways for what mattered to them.
It was this high bar that enabled Becky to find her own interests, much
in common with Wayne, such as sports, space and any manner of intellectual
challenges. And ultimately, Becky found
her way into the information technology realm, to which Wayne said her “peculiar talents are well suited to
programming.” She was never sure how to take that word “peculiar”, whether
a compliment or “stimulant”, but it can be said that they ended up lifelong
friends with common interests. They traveled together on several occasions to
points around the globe that remain among her strongest memories of Wayne.
For Melanie it can be said that she did not always agree with Wayne’s
standards for her either, other than that she attended and graduated from
KU! And this led to lifelong challenges
between them, but as in every challenge for Wayne, this too was met with grace and ultimately
redemption, for Melanie stated one of her strong recollections was Wayne’s forgiveness
and embrace of Melanie when they really both needed each other. Melanie, it should be noted, was key to
Wayne’s care over the past year, and we thank her, he thanks her, for that
tireless care.
Jennifer recollected upon his ability to recall the most arcane facts
and figures, including one time around a dinner table a guest casually wondered
what the origin of a Ruben sandwich he was eating, to which Jennifer simply
called out to Wayne to answer the question – and he did, to the amazement of
most except his family, who knew that he would likely know this arcane fact. And
of her husband Earl Vicknair, it can
be said that Wayne finally had another son.
Wayne took great pride in his two
grandchildren, watching them grow up to become the self-sufficient high
achievers they are, with particular pride that Ryan attended KU, and during those four years was a constant
companion for Wayne - another son! Ryan was then, and
continues to be, a Navy man for which Wayne, a veteran himself, was
enormously proud, especially as he rose the ranks. He could challenge Wayne in gin and pool with
the best of them. And it was perhaps the blossoming of Ryan’s love of Heather
Sherman, found and incubated during these four years at KU, that resulted in an
especially proud moment, their marriage in this very sanctuary eleven years
ago. Wayne adored Heather, and she created this sign in his honor today.
And of Laura, he reveled in her travels around the world, and was especially
proud to visit her in London not once but twice, to travel with her and meet up
with his lifelong friend Harry Harrison in Scotland. I should like to quote Laura: I could combine all the
languages I know and it would still not be enough to express how I feel about
you and how much you have meant to my life. You are everything a girl could
have wanted in a grandpa and my life has been filled with so many wonderful
memories of you (and Grandma), ones that will always hold a special place in my
heart. I will remember you for your kindness, for your intelligence, for your
humor. I will remember you for your positivity, contagious smile and joyful
spirit. I will remember you for your generosity, your fairness and your
unwavering faith. These are qualities I've long admired and respected in you -
and ones I have long hoped to live up to in my own life.
Two great grandchildren – Charlotte and Henry – visited him just a few weeks ago at his 92nd
birthday celebration. And as young
children ages 5 and 3 respectively, they do not always take a shine to imposing
old men, sometimes finding them a bit scary, but on this occasion, they seemed to
embrace him, even if they do not quite understand his place in their family
history. But there is a heartwarming tale from this visit. On the occasion of his birthday dinner, Charlotte insisted on saying grace. Can you imagine what was going through
Wayne’s mind at this moment? He had come
full circle with his own devotion, to his faith and to his family, to have his
great-granddaughter at age 5 recite a prayer of thankfulness. But not to be outdone by his big sister,
Henry insisted on saying grace as well, and then proceeded to cradle the little
microphone device Wayne used of late in his hand and recite a prayer devoid of
any comprehension for the rest of us, earnestly delivered, with only the word
“amen” barely understandable. It was a
magical moment for Wayne and the rest of us.
|
Me, Laura, little Henry, Heather, Wayne, Ryan, Charlotte and Becky
at Henry's Christening in 2016
|
Carl Stallard, two years and two
months younger than Wayne, always looked up to his bigger brother, and seemed
to follow his lead, for as Carl stated, Wayne was so much smarter than him, and
that he always set the standard to do the right thing. He recalled picking potatoes together on a
farm in Lawrence one summer, a job which Carl had followed Wayne to. Wayne was
always called upon to speak at family events, for he had a gift of the tongue, and
of their visits to see Nadine in Kingsley, an event that brought Wayne and Carl
into more constant communication later in their lives. And perhaps the most telling story of Wayne’s
devotion to family, as Carl recites it, was his eager enlistment in the Army
Air Corps in World War II, where he was sent to Wisconsin for flight
training. And as the war then came to an
end, the training abruptly stopped, for pilots were no longer needed. But out of this experience and his
demonstrated intellectual capacity, he was offered an appointment to West
Point. But ever devoted to his family
and his mother’s wish that he had been gone long enough and needed to come
home, he declined the invitation, and returned home. So I guess we can be happy for his sacrifice,
for his family here today would probably not be here, had he accepted the
appointment to West Point!
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| Wayne Stallard in Army Air Corps - 1944 |
Shirley Stallard was the wife of
Wayne’s older brother Glenn, and they were married the year before Peach and
Wayne. And so began a lifelong
friendship between Wayne and Shirley.
Wayne had mentioned that she long ceased to be a sister-in-law, and
instead became a sister. Shirley was there
for Wayne, through all the years thick and thin, through the slow demise of
Peach, and as a steady companion for Wayne through his late life
challenges. The rest of us in the family
adore you Aunt Shirley, and can only thank you from the bottom of our hearts
for being there for him.
And we must recognize the wonderful
companionship of Audrey Irick. Audrey wrote
a wonderful message to Wayne on his recent birthday, part of which I now share:
“Yes, we have kissed, dined and had a
little wine, but of all the occasions in the US, India, Australia, New Zealand,
Europe, Mexico, Canada, Costa Rica, Hawaii and the San Juan Island, our
favorite place was in your kitchen.
There we could openly share our thoughts and feelings, always laugh at
some silly funnies, and comfortably pray.”
Audrey, we all know what a true friend you were to Wayne, and we thank
you deeply for sharing your life with his.
Wayne and Peach led a good life,
not perfect for there were many challenges along the way, of course. But of those challenges, he always seemed to
approach them with humility, to rise up again and dust himself off as if
nothing ever happened. He had a
wonderful affair with food and wine, relishing a very good steak – Steak Wayne
as it was called. Indeed, he loved Andre’s Confiserie, for he was well known
there, and enjoyed all the Swiss charm and goodies they had to offer. We have brought some of their treats for you
to enjoy after this service, for he would have wanted it this way. But I think
Becky may have said it best that more than the food itself, he enjoyed the "community
of the table", to share the experience of food and life with everyone. Today, this is his community of that larger
table that is his life, enmeshed with all of yours.
He was, of course, devoted to his larger
community, to all his businesses over the years, and to his colleagues in
Rotary, the Masons, and Delta Tau Delta fraternity, all of which spanned nearly
his entire adult life. As to this church
and his faith, I will ask Pastor Leslie to expand upon this devotion.
So have we covered the
adjectives? The teacher in me says “now class,
let’s review”:
- Smart? – gosh,
was he ever. Have you seen his library?
His reading list? His thirst for knowledge and the ability to recite facts and
figures was an enviable trait.
- Caring? – one
can only recite his daily devotion to Peach and her sister Marian as they both
rested at the Garden Terrace nursing home.
He never gave up on them.
- Fiercely
Competitive? – oh dear, this is a big one!
Whether on the tennis court in years gone by, whether playing pool in
the basement, word puzzles, or cards with anyone that dared, he was fiercely
competitive.
- Quietly
opinionated? – not a grandstander, he.
But he was loaded with opinions that tilted strongly conservative, very
much in keeping with the Greatest Generation that he was part of. He was very
sorry to learn of President Bush’s recent passing, and watched his funeral with
great interest.
- Devout? –
ever so dedicated to this place, Old Mission Methodist Church, for so many
years, with deep convictions and devotion to God
- Generous? – as
we are in the midst of the Christmas season, that was always a special time for
him, for we all awaited a certain envelope containing greenbacks, beyond the
enormity of the gifts already received and opened. And
I honor him today by wearing his sport coat and the shirt off of his back, with
WRS embroidered on the cuff.
- Forgiving? –
as with all of us, there were many setbacks he experienced during his long
life, but he always forgave and moved along to the next thing, as though that
first thing never happened.
- Compassionate?
– I think it can be said that he loved, that he loved well, and that he loved
unconditionally.
- Humble? – he
was a simple person, never one to rise above his humility lest he be perceived
as arrogant.
- Rock chalk?
– it is hard to imagine a more devoted fan of KU and all that it stood for –
academics and sports, particularly I believe, basketball. He has an eternal ringside seat now, as it truly was a state of his being.
Oh, I am sure there are many more
adjectives that we could ascribe, and as a wordsmith himself, he would at this
very moment be challenging his daughters to a competition as to who would get
the most appropriate adjectives – yet he would lose due to his own humility. But on one point all can agree: his mother had always admonished Wayne that "you should not act nice – you should be
nice!"
We have lost you, Wayne, but we
shall not mourn, we celebrate your life.
We are thankful for what you have brought to each and every one of us to
enrich our own lives. You will be
rejoining Peach, your parents and siblings in the hereafter, and may you enjoy
your eternal peace with them, knowing you have done well for all of us, until
such time that we shall join you there.
And one final story. As each of us
within the family now know so well, when you were talking on the phone with us,
and felt that all had been said that needed to be said, you simply said: “OK, Bye now”, and you promptly hung up.
OK, Bye
now.
